Chris' Blog of Awesome

The Conversation

Chris — Sun, 09 May 2010 06:05:34 +0000

- Telling you I would meet you out here this morning, I have not broken my promise. The day had not yet broken to the afternoon, and while the sun was out, the crisp air was sharp against my face. I know we both wished the weather was just a little nicer, but it definitely could have been worse. The field in which we were felt almost barren, and it’s lush green grass seemed almost out of place. A gentle breeze passes through, rustling the hairs on my arm like the grass on the field. Looking down to see you laying beneath me, I am stumbling over my words today. I knew this conversation was not going to be easy. You have this stone cold expression on your face, not reflecting what you feel inside. Trying to start with small talk, I feebly tell you what I’ve been up to the past few days. I’m sorry it’s been so long. We used to see each other more often than this. You patiently listen to me, as I still struggle with my words. Through the difficulties finding words, I somehow manage to ramble until I have lost track of time. It seems as though this place holds no time anyway. Dropping down to my knees, I just needed to be close to you again. With tears forming in the corners of my eyes, I can barely mutter “I love you” through the pain. The first tear falls from my eye, landing next to your headstone. One last kiss.

April 5th, 2010.

Chris — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 18:39:09 +0000

Life is good. I had to stand outside my car for a minute on lunch today, soaking up the small amount of sun. It was enough to actually warm my car today, and I couldn’t help but think of how good life is, even if for only fleeting moments such as that. It was just a small moment and it was interesting how good I felt just standing there. I have to say that I don’t really believe that things happen for a reason, and I think it’s all just a part of life, good or bad. It’s hard to see at the time how something painful could be a good thing in life. Not saying that all bad things that happen are postive occurences in life either, just that there is always really something to look forward to, even if it’s hidden behind the thickest fog. Having a rather naive outlook on life isn’t a bad thing is it? I most certainly don’t find it everyday, but I believe that there is something to be found in every facet of life that is worth smiling for. Pain is what makes us feel human, but so is love. Why choose the sorrow purposefully over the joy? Life is worth the best in all of us. What happens, happens. The day I stop smiling is the day my heart goes deaf.

“Its the Only One You’ve Got” – 3 Doors Down

Chris — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 08:31:13 +0000

- Lyrics for the song “Its the Only One You’ve Got” by artist 3 Doors Down -

How do you know where you’re going
When you don’t know where you’ve been
You hide the shame that you’re not showing
And you won’t let anyone in
A crowded street can be a quiet place
When you’re walking alone
And now you think that you’re the only
One who doesn’t

[Chorus:]
Have to try
And you won’t have to fail
If you’re afraid to fly
Then i guess you never will
You hide behind your walls
Of maybe nevers
Forgetting that there’s something more
Than just knowing better
Your mistakes do not define you now
They tell you who you’re not
You’ve got to live this life you’re given
Like it’s the only one you’ve got

Memories have left you broken
And the scars have never healed
The emptiness in you is growing
But so little left to fill
You’re scared to look back on the days before
You’re too tired to move on
And now you think that you’re the only one who doesn’t

[Chorus]

What would it take
To get you to say that I’ll try
And what would you say if
This was the last day of your life

You hide behind your walls
Of maybe nevers
Forgetting that there’s something more
Than just knowing better
Your mistakes do not define you now
They tell you who you’re not
You’ve got to live this life you’re given
Like it’s the only one you’ve got

Choices

Chris — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 05:04:26 +0000

- We are where we stand from every choice and every moment past. Nothing behind can be changed. From one small alteration along our story, how greatly would things be different? Can we even fathom a true appreciation for where we are along the journey? For whatever it is, our paths have crossed. In recent months past, I am only able to recall pain and misery. A cold dark winter surrounded my heart in those times, for what seems an eternity. The painful chill of the crisp air bore into me for so long. The sadness fueled the frost gripping at my heart, it’s fire dying out with every beat. Before long, the misery caused that frost to thicken into a sheen of slick crushing ice, finally engulfing my helpless heart. Enduring the cold winter I persevered, struggling to even move forward. Was it by chance that we met? Our stories have led us to this point. Your beautiful smile brings a forgotten warmth back to my heart. Slowly, that first breath of the warming spring air began to melt the sorrow surrounding me. My soul finally began to smile again after so long. If it had not been for our choices past, we would have never met. For what it’s worth, and wherever this new direction takes me, I’m happy to be standing here with you. Embraced at the crossroads.

Beauty

Chris — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 23:02:55 +0000

- How often do we truely stop to appreciate the beauty surrounding our path? Life forces an accelerated pace, and the peripheral is a darkened blur that rushes by without a glance. In racing forward with blind ambition, we will miss far more than we ever see. Like running through a tunnel, a small pinpoint of light on the other side drives us faster. Looking back, the view is the same as looking forward. A circle of pitch black darkness with a miniscule dot of light at its center. What lay beyond this darkened tunnel restricting my path? What is out there? Thoughts of uncertainty swarm through my head as I find my pace slowing. Each continuing footstep is smaller and smaller until I find myself standing still. I close my eyes and let the darkness take me. For a time, the only constant in my world is the sound of my own breath. In one last exhale as I open my eyes, the walls of emptyness fade into an overwhelming scene of beauty and awe. Blinded, it is almost as if my eyes had opened for the first time. The magnificent forest expands around in all directions, and this is yet only a single footstep along my path. How many scenes like this have come before me and gone by unnoticed? Remaining here for now I must stay, in a place of such beauty. If this is what surrounds me now, I know there is only more to be found along my path, waiting around the bend.

Messages

Chris — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 22:53:35 +0000

- The message is never recieved. Blocked by a wall, the meaning of the message never gets through. Could we even understand the true meaning of messages we are given? The words are there, yet the meaning is lost. Try as we might, we each take a different meaning from what we see and hear, leaving the wall solidly intact. We are the makers of our own barricades, and restricted are the thoughts and emotions that are allowed passage. Did I close out what was most important? Did you? Our walls still encircle us, and the message is never recieved.

Shot

Chris — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 04:31:18 +0000

- He stood still, the breeze gently brushing across his figure. Trapped within his own mind, escape was not possible. Staring at the ground beneath him, he could not break his gaze. He was unaware of the world in which he stood. The sights before him reached his thoughts, but went unnoticed. The world he saw was his own and only by his own actions had he arrived in such a place. A barrier of emotion kept him from truely opening his eyes to see what lay before him. Silently, a chill swept over him, and the back of his mind was quickly filled with terror. Something wasn’t right and it was causing the hairs on his arms stand on end. A strange whistling sound cut through the air, and within a fraction of an instant, unimaginable pain pounded within his chest. Staggering backwards, his eyes were blinking furiously as his dreams were shattered in front of them. The pain overwhelmed him. In a daze, he looked downward and slowly came to realize what had transpired. A cold, sleek, unforgiving arrow stuck out from his chest, aimed perfectly into his pierced heart. He quickly fell to his knees, coughing blood into his numb hands before him. Fading ever further, he fell to his side. Every heartbeat was a futile attempt at life, labored and uneasy, resounding like thunder through his entire body. His mind formed a final farewell, and he slipped into his dream world for the last time.

Scoreboard Pub 11/09/09

Chris — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 09:52:43 +0000

Where do I go from here? At what seems the most difficult time in my life. So many questions I have to ask you, yet I don’t want to. Is it better to suffer the unknown or suffer the answers? Still seems like pain no matter which path I choose. I almost feel as though I no longer have a choice. That was taken from me. One moment, a tiny blip in our existance can change our future, yet is that anything we can control? I can hardly endure my own unrelenting thoughts. As hard as I try there is no escaping them. I am helpless to avoid dwelling on them. Ignoring all that has happened would be a mistake, but losing you would be a pain so immesureable I cringe at the very thought. I hate this position I find myself in, its cruelty is unfathomable, and the beauty I see on the other side takes my breath away. I thought I had felt lost in my life before, but now I truely understand what it feels like to have no idea what direction to go. I guess I can’t even answer my own question. Where do I go from here?

Questions

Chris — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 06:47:42 +0000

- Always alone, wondering. Thoughts swirling in a vortex around my mind. Drifting in and out of promenance in the forefront of my being. Where does it all end? This question digs into my mind as I search what I know for a possible solution. As quickly as it came, the question vanishes back into the depths. Always alone, wondering. When will I figure things out? This inquiry comes as fast as the last one left. Giving myself more time to think about this new one, I wonder further if I ever will. I seem to answer my own questions with more questions. Who ever does figure it all out? Is there really anything to figure out? I only confuse myself more as I continue my thoughts. Always alone, wondering. What makes it all worth while? A slow smirk graces my lips as I stare into the corner of nothing. We each take our own meanings out of life, and therein lies the true essence of what I find makes it worthwhile. Infinite stories can be told about a single day or passing moment. This is what I find truely fascinating, so much meaning behind such seemingly inconsequential moments in life. A tale retold, is as different and new as the first time it was shared. Hold your stories close at heart, for in them a fulfilling purpose is found that is beyond any comprehension.

“Weightless” – All Time Low

Chris — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 05:55:08 +0000

- Lyrics for the song “Weightless” by artist All Time Low -

Manage me, I’m a mess
turn a page, I’m a book half unread
I wanna be laughed at, laughed with, just because
I wanna feel weightless and that should be enough
but I’m stuck in this fucking rut
waiting on a second hand pick me up
and I’m over, getting older
if i could just find the time
then I would never let another day go by
I’m over, getting old!

and maybe it’s not my weekend, but it’s gonna be my year
and I’m so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
and this is my reaction to everything I fear
‘cus i’ve been going crazy I dont wanna waste another minute here

make believe that I impress, that every word by design turns a head
I wanna feel reckless, wanna live it up just because
I wanna feel weghtless ‘cus that would be enough
if i could just find the time
then i would never let another day go by
I’m over, getting old!

and maybe it’s not my weekend, but it’s gonna be my year!
and I’m so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
and this is my reaction, to everything I fear
‘cus i’ve been going crazy I dont wanna waste another minute here

this could be all I’ve waited for
and this could be everything I dont wanna dream anymore

and maybe it’s not my weekend, but it’s gonna be my year
and I’ve been going crazy im stuck in here
and maybe it’s not my weekend, but it’s gonna be my year
and I’m so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
and this is my reaction to everything I fear
‘cus I’ve been going crazy I dont wanna waste another minute here